Grief... short and sweet
Greetings peeps. Have a BS in psychology which makes me totally unqualified to discuss the following subject, but here I go anyway. Thoughts today are swirling around grief …in terms of Kubler Ross’ definition. She described five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When this theory first came out it was presumed one traveled through these stages in order, denial to acceptance. The theory has evolved over the years and now it is assumed that you bop back and forth between some or all the stages over time. It’s not linear. It’s fluid and dynamic. First a few definitions (and I might add this is my take, google her for the “real thing” …or see link at end). 1. Denial-this is a phase where you believe the diagnosis is wrong, false or somehow mistaken. One hangs onto an untrue possibly preferable reality of health. 2. Anger-this is the “Why me? It’s not fair!” stage... lots of blaming… pissed off at the disease… Pissed off at the world. 3. Bargaining-a negotiation stage. A true mind game with yourself, “if only (insert here) then I would not have (insert Parkinson’s?) … “by changing this aspect of my life, then perhaps disease will go away or be something less debilitating”. 4. Depression-we know this. I won’t elaborate. 5. Acceptance-this is the “I’m going to be okay” phase or the “we got this”. Embracing the reality of the situation, calmly moving forward with positive solutions to cope with a disease.
Where you ask am I on the spectrum? Well, about two weeks in from my DX and I can’t really tell you where I stand. I honestly think that I flip-flop from denial to depression to acceptance multiple times a week if not daily. For me, denial is the state of being oblivious to my current medical situation. Honestly, not thinking about it at all… going on with my day without a worry in the world. Then… My carbidopa/levodopa starts to wear off my tremor sneaks back on and whammo, depression time. I get mopey, moody, sleepy, all-around unpleasant to be around. Then med-time comes again, and I take my C/L…tremor gone, rigidity gone, a little more focused…I’m good to go. Acceptance kicks in. I got this. I have an incredible support system. This is manageable. Time to get on the treadmill and to make a blog entry. This is a good head-space.
As far as bargaining and anger go, I don’t think I’m there yet. I’m not naïve, I get I’m headed there. My symptoms\features are well-managed now. The big picture… I’m pretty healthy. I’m sure, as time passes, and my symptoms worsen in my features increase in number, I’ll sure I’ll get angry or start bargaining with the devil himself. Until then I’m going to revel in my see-saw of denial and acceptance; )
Where are you in your grief journey? Please comment below. My thoughts are just one example of literally millions out there. I prefer this site be about us not me.
Here is that promised link: